Laodicea and being needed

I've been pondering Laodicea since Wednesday night. We're studying the Revelation given to John and have gotten to the seventh church. The teacher brought a couple of insights to the study that have me thinking.

The first thought that caught my particular attention did so because of my interest in education, first as an involved parent, more recently as a part-time educator. Our teacher (Larry Shyers) pointed out that Laodicea is kind of like the mediocre student in a class: not noticed, thinks he/she is fine, happy to blend in; when teacher does a mental head count she can't remember this one - "who am I missing?" From my children's grade school years I can remember in a PTA meeting a plan to reach out to these neglected students. We have programs for gifted and "special" but not much time or special effort for the average ones. They exist in the church, too. They are happy to attend on Sunday morning, maybe occasionally another service or event. I know that elders and preachers would love dearly to know how to turn these pew warmers on! God wants them excited. How do we accomplish this? That is a whole ‘nother discussion, and one that is addressed in depth in many other blogs.

Another problem with Laodidea was that they thought they were self-sufficient, needing no one. Laodicea was a trading crossroads and had every physical thing they could possibly need. They didn’t need anyone’s help. Wow! This is America. This describes Americans. We pride ourselves in self-sufficiency. But neither Christians nor non-Christians are self-sufficient. We need the Lord! We are not and cannot be "good enough" and we need to remember this. We also need each other. And we need to know we are needed. That's one problem with pew warmers. They don't feel needed. Folks don't really "buy into" or get excited about the Lord and the work of the Church until they know they are needed.This one hits home with me currently. I feel sort of in limbo, drifting with the current.

In our many years of ministry, particularly in the two churches with whom we worked 17 and 10 years, I've pretty much always felt needed. As the wife of a minister, I've always been aware of needs, more than I could handle most times. Sometimes I'm the best one to fill a need. Sometimes I'm the only one to fill a need. Often it would be useful and wise to recruit someone else to fill that need.

(In a future post, I plan to address what it’s like for a minister and his family to “be fired” and part of that relates to being no longer needed. But I’m saving that discussion. It needs a lot of thought and care to put in print, so to speak, such sensitive commentary.)

Right now I'm in an odd place. I feel not needed. I haven't found my niche here in our "new" congregation. Oh, I feel welcomed and useful, but not really needed. Jobs I've done in our previous churches are filled here. I was very involved in ladies' class, the hub of women's ministry, in previous churches, but ladies' class here meets while I'm working so I’m not really “in the loop.” My work schedule prohibits some areas of service that I’ve done before. So I’m kind of floundering, treading water, until I find how God specifically wants to use me here.

(Allow me to digress for just a paragraph. I dislike be introduced as the minister’s wife. I’m not sure why. I think it’s because I want my own identity apart from “the wife of the minister.” What does that title communicate, anyway? I married a minister because I wanted to be closely involved in the work of the church, but that doesn't define who I am. And I don’t want anyone to have a particular expectation of me because I’m married to the minister. In the same way that our children were always told that certain behavior was expected because these were our standards as Christians and not because they were the minister’s children, I want people to expect or not expect certain things of me because I’m a Christian, not because of my husband’s role in the church.)

During our year-long search for Bob’s new preaching job, I did a huge amount of researching and searching out churches; preparing packets to send; traveling to churches with him, being "interviewed" and researching potential new homes; and trying to help keep my husband encouraged. Now we're settled into our new home and new church and everything is running fairly smoothly. That was a big, time-consuming, urgent, important job. But it’s done.

A friend with whom we correspond has asked in two letters, "What are your new and/or biggest challenges and opportunities there?" And I haven't answered the question because I don’t know. I don't know what my challenges and opportunities are here. What do I have to offer in this particular church and community? I teach Bible school, but so do a lot of others and before I came here, someone else taught the class. The curriculum is a published one. I’ve gotten pretty lazy about preparation since it’s largely done for me. I'm having a hard time being excited about teaching. Attitude alert!

I thought perhaps when God led us here I would have new opportunities, personally, to teach someone(s) the gospel. That would be very exciting. I've been the mostly-silent partner in many studies with Bob, but I’d love to teach someone(s) myself. However, I’m not very good at starting the conversation. I guess I hoped God would drop those opportunities in my lap. But I haven't made any connections leading to studies. Am I missing your leading, Lord? Make me more aware.

As a substitute teacher, I don't feel I do anything special. Beyond maintaining order and deciphering the teacher’s plans, it’s not very challenging. (Well, day to day, it can be challenging, but overall, I don't feel I make a difference.) That’s why I decided a few years ago to pursue a full-time teaching job. I really do believe that teachers can make a difference in children’s lives. I hoped when we relocated to Florida that I would finally get that teaching job I’ve been seeking. I hope that God is just preparing the right job for me in the way He prepared us here and the church here for us. Currently I'm praying that if God doesn't want me to teach full-time, He reveal this clearly (but I pray this reluctantly, because I don't really want God to tell me that He has something else in mind for me). I'm still hoping and praying for a teaching job . . . and I'd appreciate your prayers on my behalf in this, too. I guess if I don't have a teaching job by the end of summer, that will be a pretty clear answer, since Florida supposedly needs teachers. If they don't need them desperately enough to hire me . . . . Just in the past week I've gotten hints (from Him?) that there might be a job in my future, so I'm feeling a bit more hopeful.

As I composed this, I was reminded that I do have a job to do right now. I'm coordinating an area mother-daughter retreat this weekend. One of my gifts is organization, so I'm sure God is using me in this. However, I’ve been kind of easy-going about the retreat until very recently because the expectation that was communicated to me was not particularly high. I also believed that the only reason I was asked to do it was because I was “new blood” and the previous coordinators were tired of doing it. So I haven’t been excited enough about our preparations. I think that attitude was a mistake. I hope there’s time enough in this last week of preparation time for God to still use it as mightily as He is able, in spite of my poor attitude. I’m praying that my lack to this point won’t prevent God from using it to His glory. I think I need some deeper prayer time before this weekend, don't you? I've been so busy organizing and planning and preparing that I haven't prayed about it nearly enough. I know the speaker will be excellent, that she has been in prayer and in the Word in preparation. Hopefully God will use our little committee to be a springboard to revitalize it. I think I've short-changed God to this point. Laodicea, that’s been me. Pray for me in this, too, please.

Okay, I really don’t intend this to be a pity-party! Really, truly. I DO solicit your prayers, but I my intention was just to share what’s going on in my life. The Laodicea discussion kind of woke me up. I haven't posted much 'cause I hadn't had much to say. I decided to put these thoughts out there in cypberspace so that I can have some clarity. Dee inspired me with her post about depression, http://deeandrews.net/2007/01/23/white-water-rafting-through-the-narrows/, so I thought I’d be really honest, too. Don't think I'm soliciting sympathy - poor, pitiful me. I'm really not. I'd appreciate your prayers, though, for insight and motivation (and a job!)